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How to Make Friends

I recently returned from a weekend at the seaside. I am a beach gal, though my fair skin hates me for it. And this weekend at the beach not only reminded me of my love for lying on a mound of sand and doing absolutely nothing for hours; it also reminded me of my love for lying on a mound of sand and doing absolutely nothing with friends I have come to know and who have come to know me. Friends I can be me around no matter how stinky me happens to be at the moment.

I was not expecting to make friends like this when I moved to Nashville two and a half years ago. I had just come off a year abroad where I had met some amazing people and some true friends but they were what I like to call “one-offs.” People I spent time with individually moreso than in a consistent group setting. This was ok, for a year. But I was thirsty at the end of it. Thirsty for what I had had in college: a group. You know, a group.

Groups, I think, become harder and harder to come by as you distance yourself from the pre-set community culture of school. In real life, you go to work, you go to happy hour with one or two pals and the occasional party where you may recognize a handful of faces. Then you go home and pretend you don’t care you are lacking a group. That you are very grateful for the people you have met and have become friends with. That you don’t miss sitting around a living room and laughing hard at not funny things that seem hilarious simply because you love the people so much who are saying the not funny things. In the real world, you pretend you don’t miss this. But you don’t mean it. You do miss it. You ache for it.

So I was surprised and relieved when a few weeks ago I found myself sitting in a friend’s living room with seven other girls I had come to know and who had come to know me and laughing at I don’t even remember what until two in the morning. Those types of nights feed my soul like nothing else can.

And the girls in that living room are the same soul-feeders I shared a weekend with at the sea. I thank God for them. I don’t know how I made these friends. I don’t know the formula for making friends, and I don’t believe there is one. What happens is God plops beautiful people onto your path exactly when you need them. And you like them and they like you and you have friends. They’re like miracles, really.

My soul-feeders. My friends.

7 COMMENT

  1. Shellybell | 4th Jun 12

    I could not agree more…Miraculous! I look at my friends, and I see God’s grace evident in my life. There’s no other explanation for a wonderful group of peeps other than God’s amazing grace!

    So glad you have some and may He continue to mold and grow each one of you.

  2. keturah simpson | 4th Jun 12

    It is a blessing to have a group of friends and love ones that we be ourselves with. People who support us, uplift and encourage us and are there for us despite all…I’ve been relishing my ‘group/s’ too in this season of belonging….

    Much love and joy to you…
    NichS

  3. Katie Axelson | 5th Jun 12

    This is something I’m struggling with right now having graduated a year ago but am living in my college town again. Groups are good; groups are stressful. Individuals are good; individuals are stressful. College students are good; college students are stressful. “Adults” are good; “adults” are stressful… It’s all about balance. And connection.

    Katie

    • Andrea Lucado | 5th Jun 12

      Those quote marks around the word adult are key 🙂 No one really knows how to be one. I think we’re all really just 12-year-olds whose bodies age and who pretend to understand things more as time goes on but who actually understand things less and less… And THAT can make friendships stressful and good all at the same time. The important thing is to keep getting to know people, putting yourself out there and finding contentment in the fact God knows what he’s doing, even within our social circles.

      • Katie Axelson | 5th Jun 12

        “Finding contentment in the fact God knows what He’s doing” is the challenge of life. Until we reach that point (as if we can this side of heaven), He’s going to keep pushing us into situations where His contentment is the only thing available.

        Katie

  4. Hayley Davis | 5th Jun 12

    One of the main reasons that graduating high school this year is sad is because of my discipleship group at Church that I will be leaving… it’s amazing what five or more people can do for your life, mind, heart, and soul! Thank God for groups.

  5. Darci | 14th Jul 12

    Andrea, I loved this post! I find it true at the season of life I am in as well. Thanks for sharing. ~

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