What Is the Role of a Christian Woman: In Dating?

I started writing the answer to this post and before I could type a word, realized I had no idea what the answer was. So I polled women I knew and respected of various marital statuses. I asked them what they believed the role of a woman in dating is according to their experience and according to scripture. I love the richness and diversity of their responses:

Single/22 years old: The role of a Christian woman in dating is to be pursued. We are called as women to submit to the pursuit and leadership of men. Therefore, let’s let them do their job. We have a biblical call to wait, submit and be patient. Since this is a biblical instruction spoken by God, in that place we as women will have most peace. Straying away from that call (which could mean taking control, impatiently initiating yourself, etc.) can mislead, confuse or awaken love too soon.

Single, divorcee/34 years old (But that doesn’t define me! My blue eyes that have a slightly cynical outlook, my hips that are 2 sizes too big, sarcastic leanings and an extreme love for NCIS are what really defines me ;) ): My role as a divorced single mom, I feel, is to seek healing, honest-to-goodness, soul-changing healing. This healing takes time, pain, time, trust in God, time, and patience…oh, and time. Then, I am to live my life…I mean live it. Do what I dreamed of, go on adventures, ask people all sorts of questions, reflect, seek and live! And then, always hope…hope in God and rest in His grace.

In a relationship/25 years old: I think I now have a much more refined and actually fairly simple view of the role of Christian women in dating, and it’s this: The role of a Christian woman in dating is, at it’s core, the same as that of a man: be prayerful, honest, open, and ultimately, be genuinely yourself. I think if we, as women, do those things, then the right men will join us in the right relationships by taking on that role as well. This is not to say that “being ourselves” means not being open to change and growth, but it just means that we don’t try to be someone we aren’t. It has been a struggle of mine before, which is perhaps why one of my favorites verses is Romans 12:9 – Love must be sincere.

Married/26 years old: To guard your heart, seek God’s will for the future of your relationship, be open to God’s leading (it doesn’t have to end in marriage), and build your significant other with love and respect. Keep in mind flashing red lights in dating can destroy a marriage. Marriage is the second most important decision in your life and you’ll want to listen closely and tread lightly before you head down the road. Marriage is the greatest blessing when you’re with the right person! Date with purpose and grow in the process.

Single/27 years old: The bible teaches that marriage is a picture of the gospel. It is to illustarte the pursuit of Christ to his church and in return her submission to his love and authority. While the bible doesn’t teach a lot about “dating” as we know (and love) it, I do believe that dating should be a preview of that picture of marriage. While we aren’t called to submit to the man we are dating as we are to our husbands, nor are we to engage in all the activites marriage allows, we still mimic those roles of Christ and the church to a certain degree. In dating the girl gets the chance to sit back and relax (if she can allow herself to see it that way). The man initiates and pursues her as God turns his heart to do so and the girl responds and affirms his pursuit. Plain and simple. One of my favorite things to see is a man of God who is pursuing a woman. That woman is freed and covered by his pursuit. She is freed to affirm his masculinity being manifested by his pursuit of her and in turn she is not put in a position to be solely vulnerable or manipulative to get his affections.

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65 Comments

Filed under Asking the Hard Questions

65 responses to “What Is the Role of a Christian Woman: In Dating?

  1. Sunil Noronha

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but are we trying to fit the picture of dating into a biblical window of outlook or relate the picture of the marriage/sexual relationship into our present picture of dating? What if, let’s say, we didn’t have these parallels to compare with? What would be our response then?

  2. such a great question…without a clear-cut answer. It’s really hard to know our role as women when we combine modern society, feminism, and faith and try to navigate what that means for us individually. Thanks for posting this!

  3. Steph Bruns

    I would agree with being prayerful, honest, open and sincere. But I hear many Christian women saying they need to wait to be pursued. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, did I hear Christian women need to wait? I know many couples who have said, “If I would have waited for HIM to approach me and pursue me, we would never be together.” Women most definitely sometimes need to take the initiative.

    • Hi Steph

      When I look over all the bible stories where the way they met is described, I cant think of any where the man pursued the woman. And in the garden of Eden God brought the woman TO the man.

      I think the wait and let him pursue is nuts. It’s about two individuals. Each broken. Each fallen. Each with strengths and weaknesses.

      The man has a God given role to play and it’s defined by how Jesus Christ relates to His church. If we knock the doors is opened by Him. I suggest that women should do some knocking – and the man might open to her. LOL.

      God bless you!
      Mark.

      • Although I wrote that with a sense of humor, I actually think this is true.

        The man is meant to be doing God-stuff and the woman watches him and decides if she wants to be his help mate. She can only make that decision if he is doing what God has called him to do. The man needs to be NOT focused on woman, but focused on His calling, doing what He is meant to be doing.

        BTW – I write a blog for Christian Men

        http://christianmen.wordpress.com

    • Leon

      Like Ruth did with Boaz …

    • Idina

      He who FINDS a wife finds a good thing….WAIT!!! and TRUST GOD!!!!

  4. Lesly

    WOW! I’m 23 single lady and this is my eternal dilemma… I love love love God so much, and don’t want to dissapoint him in this area.. So I think the answer to my doubts is this post! Thanx! :)

  5. shama

    23/single I seriously think that when you reach a stage of dating, one should remember to conceive, create and Experience the relationship by putting God first in every decision that will be made.
    If it was God will for the ‘dating’ then surely it will have to be a potential one….

  6. I think it would be enlightening to ask this of Christian men.

      • Sunil Noronha

        My reply was from a man’s perspective. If we put this much time into the topic of Christian Dating, are we separating it from Christian Marriage? If we are not, why we are asking how God wants us to date? Since Christian Marriage overrides that clearly.

    • Hi Kim

      When I look over all the bible stories where the way they met is described, I cant think of any where the man pursued the woman. And in the garden of Eden God brought the woman TO the man.

      I think the wait and let him pursue approach is nuts. It’s about two individuals. Each broken. Each fallen. Each with strengths and weaknesses.

      The man has a God given role to play and it’s defined by how Jesus Christ relates to His church. If we knock the door is opened by Him. I suggest that women should do some knocking – and the man will open the door to her.

      Although I wrote that with a sense of humor, I actually think this is true. The man is meant to be doing God-stuff and the woman watches him and decides if she wants to be his help mate. She can only make that decision if he is doing what God has called him to do. The man needs to be NOT focused on woman, but focused on His calling, doing what He is meant to be doing.

      I write a blog for Christian Men

      http://christianmen.wordpress.com

      God bless you!
      Mark.

  7. Robin Livingston

    46/divorced – I had very few “relationships” prior to my ex-husband and wished I knew then what I know now. I have experienced all of the above and can honestly say, that experience has taught me this: God first, Me second (bc you need to be healthy to have a healthy relationship) and my relationships third. This sequence assures that God will always be my first love and his will the most important element in my life and my relationships. This also allows me to be fully feminine and allow men to be the pursuer. It is okay to “encourage” them along, but not to force the romance. Nothing, especially love, can grow in a forced environment – it isn’t natural. I have been pursued and been the pursuer. The most fulfilling relationships were with men who were the pursuer which allowed them to lead, because they knew I trusted and respected them. No relationship is perfect, it takes daily work, lots of time to grow…gradually, naturally and don’t forget that you may have a number of “learning” relationships that lead you to the ultimate one! Take your time, keep the faith and be true to God and yourself! Blessings Ladies!!!

  8. This is my position.. we cannot do exactly what the bible says because then I can give drink to the camels of someone like Rebecca.. but I can wait for the man who God chosen for me. When we put God first, He takes care of the rest. Thanks for this post..

    And Sorry for my English if is bad.. I speak spanish :)

  9. Kimesha

    25/Single- Overtime, my view of dating has definitely evolved. One of the most important factors is to seek God first with your whole heart and every step of the way. Ask Him to reveal you to yourself, because He knows how we are, what we need, and what His plans are for us better than we will ever know. In regards to actually dating, its important to remember that men are visionaries, and women are enhancers, so if my purpose doesnt enhance his vision, it wont work. So, beyond seeking to “fall in love”, seek to fall deeper into Christ. Take every step moment by moment. Dont jump ahead to “marriage”, instead, take every moment as an opportunity for growth and development, and to learn more about you and the person you are dating. Lastly, get a mentor (A “Ruth”), someone to share with, learn from, and be accountable to… and dont forget to do frequent “temperature checks” with God and with a mentor, to be sure that you are still on the right track.

    • Robin Livingston

      Excellent advice and from someone so young! I am impressed, you are blessed!

    • Wow, great stuff KImesha!!

      I like this!! You wrote: “its important to remember that men are visionaries, and women are enhancers”.

      The man is meant to be doing God-stuff and the woman watches him and decides if she wants to be his help mate. She can only make that decision if he is doing what God has called him to do. The man needs to be NOT focused on woman, but focused on His calling, doing what He is meant to be doing.

      I write a blog for Christian Men

      http://christianmen.wordpress.com

      God bless you guys,
      Mark.

  10. Caity Meinhardt

    Single/16 My question is when does God want us to start dating? My personal view is that dating is for finding the person you want to marry, right? Why date if I’m not going to marry anyone anytime soon? Kids at my highschool are always dating and breaking up. What’s the point? I think its just a distraction from God.

    • Great question! That the Bible certainly doesn’t answer, seeing as dating did not exist in the form it does today and arranged marriages were the norm. Pretty sure girls were in their teens when they married then and the man was typically much older. (Don’t quote me on that though; I’m no biblical scholar.) I think you’re extremely mature and on the right track with that thinking. I didn’t enter my first relationship until I was 19 and even that seems so young now! I’m not anti-dating in high school but I definitely see the benefit of waiting a while until you start dating, and would recommend it. Anyone else?

      • Robin Livingston

        It is important to get to know different types of people as you develop emotionally and socially. I find that group dating is best. It helps to prevent the temptations that come with exclusiveness and being alone together too often. It allows you to get to know a number of people of the opposite gender without the pressure of being on a “date” alone, yet you may spend time together talking, even within a group. I find, that even when I was married, I learned a lot by seeing my ex-husband around his friends and family. As much as we think we are being genuine, we show different sides of ourselves around different people based on how comfortable we are with them. This is especially true in teens because they are so concerned with fitting in and peer acceptance. Youth groups, retreats, clubs, community organizations and employment are all great ways to get to know people without actually being on a date. Look at the whole person and how they treat others as well as yourself. I was once given a good piece of advise – ask a guy about his mother, or even better see how he acts toward her. How he treats the most important woman in his life (until you!) will give you an idea about how he may treat you. Even if the relationship is strained due to extenuating circumstances, he should still be respectful and in which case you could look to another close female relative or “mother-like” woman in his life. This is important, because he may treat you like a queen to win your heart and then change once “real life” begins. (I speak from experience…)

  11. Paris

    Love the women’s opinions on this. What to you think of this blog post?

    http://www.russellmoore.com/2011/12/05/women-stop-submitting-to-men/

  12. 31/Single
    Our role is to be discouraged! Just kidding. But I’m 99% sure there are no more “men of God” out there, in my age range. (I know a bunch of amazing guys in their late teens and early twenties, because of my work … and they’ll be fantastic partners for women much younger than me!) I live a complete life, regardless of my relationship status. Single, dating, married: that shouldn’t be THE thing that defines anyone. Something I try to remind myself is that my relationship status isn’t part of how God defines me. Maybe that’s a partial answer to your question? But as much as I refuse to wait for a relationship to start my life, and as much as I understand that it’s not a thing that shapes whether or not I can serve God well or live a good life, sometimes it’s really discouraging to be single still. Siiiigh. (Just so you know, this isn’t something I indiscriminately whine about with friends and foes: that would just be unpleasant.)

    I guess I don’t know how to answer the question of the role of a Christian woman in dating. In the post, I most loved this line from one of your friends: “The role of a Christian woman in dating is, at it’s core, the same as that of a man: be prayerful, honest, open, and ultimately, be genuinely yourself.”

    • “But I’m 99% sure there are no more “men of God” out there, in my age range.”

      From all my experiences and observations regarding guys in my life and the lives around me, “all men cheat and lie” is a VERY hard belief not to hold. But I can’t give in to it. I don’t have all the answers, but that can’t be one of them. Neither can that there are no men of God our age. At the very least, because, I don’t know about you, but I personally have not met every man in my town, let alone the state or even the planet. Even if you narrow it down to our 30-ish age group, I haven’t met them all either.

      I think what Dylan said below is relevant to this, that we trust our Father to do the “matchmaking” when the time is right for us. (I’m paraphrasing, you should totally read what he said.)

      If it’s in His will, He will bring the man into my life when I am ready, and even though I feel SO READY right now, I trust the Lord to know when I really truly am. I’m no theologian but I think that’s how it goes for all of us.

      Like shellybell said to me, stay hopeful. <3

  13. 27/single but dating – I think my views have changed from when I was younger. I believed that women only waited, only hoped, never initiated anything because that could be seen as too forward or it could be not allowing the man to lead. Any relationship – whether parent child, friends, or boy-girl requires give and take from both parties..which means sometimes in dating I atleast encourage it along– not the relationship, not the big stuff, but I do show interest. I think flirting and showing interest encourages the man that if he is interested, he should pursue. We give men a hard time about not being “man enough” – and thats true, but ask yourself, would you walk up to a girl who wasn’t smiling, who hardly ever spoke to you, and ask her out? Probably not. I think the most encouraging thing we can do for our brothers in Christ is not make it so hard on them. If they are trying to have the courage to be men and pursue women, show a little interest, don’t make them guess. This doesn’t have to be asking them to dinner, but it could be making sure you say hey at sunday school or including them in a group evite to a game night.

  14. Additionally, I’d like to add that in encouraging Biblical womanhood (particularly in the area of dating), I think the church has sometimes robbed women of their femininity….I used to be stone cold, hard to approach, but certainly not showing any initiative around men…now I’m friendly, initiate conversation, occasionally include men in activities and plans, etc, and I feel more feminine AND guys must see me as more feminine too – because I get asked out a LOT more now than before. A little feminine encouragement never hurt :)

    • Thanks, Katy! I think we’re very similar :) I really have to remind myself to show interest but have a hard time knowing how much to show without being super initiative. And, like you, my views have changed so much even since college. And I’m sure they will continue to.

      • Kimesha

        I grew up similar to you guys in regards to not showing interest, and simply waiting on the man to approach, and even making it hard on them as a means of not coming off too forward or “out of order”. What suggestions do you have for showing more initiative, flirting, ect, while maintaining self respect, and presenting myself as a woman of God?

      • Kimesha, and all,

        I suggest this article (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0002497.cfm)
        called ‘Boy-crazy” it talks about how a lot of Christian women feel they need to be so careful with their heart and not being forward or too interested in men that they close themselves off — from dating and friendships with men (that could just encourage eachother or lead to dating!)

        Check it out! GREAT article and I can relate.

    • Bingo If a guy is healthy, stone cold won’t work for him at all.

  15. RickC

    The bible DOES provide guidlines for dating! It doesn’t explicitly say ‘thou shall date in this way and in this way only’. That’s foolish, every couple is different and their dating needs for a huge variety of reasons are different. But the bible does make it very clear that as a follower of Christ there are ways to conduct yourselves and there are ways not to conduct yourself. Those admonitions are extraordinarily WISE and carry over to dating and to all life’s adventures and relationships. They are beautiful guidelines for conduct and dating is ALL about conduct and character! Those same guidlines are also good for ALL life’s relationships whether or not those relationships are Christian or not. Like a friend says, “we’re not an advertisement for Jesus, we’re supposed to be evidence of Him.” That among other things involves character and conduct. Simply put Jesus says in whatever you do in life whether dating or in marriage or whatever BE REAL…Matt. 5:13-16. See Romans 12:1-2, Galatians 5:16-26 and so many other passages.

  16. Such wisdom!
    Loved reading it…you continue to do great work on this blog.
    Keep it up A!

  17. Kris

    This is crucial in a dating relationship. Let’s talk about the deception of the evil ones with the intimacy. For it must be a Christian way of dating having a strong boundaries against the persuading temptations. The intimacy is different with the married couples. Both the men and women unmarried should guard their ways against unrighteousness. And they must not hardened their hearts. This kind of deceit brings danger to the Christian souls hindering the maturity in knowing Christ. Its like the devils are eating a part of your spirituality little by little until it becomes hardened. The relationship at this time, is not anymore a blessing.
    The best role of the woman is to guard her heart and beloved man’s heart against the deceit by not yielding into temptation. Do not stir up love when it is not right. Cut-off the physical desire and intimacy by remembering the promises of God and even the consequences. God wants you to date with a clear conscience for you both to enjoy the blessing and pleasure that is everlasting.

  18. It is nice to know there are still Christian women around. The future mothers of the world’s children. Nice read!

  19. …so if you’re divorced, you’re done? :'(

    • I sure hope not! I’m banking on doing it right the second time around. :) healing and patience are just crucial in my opinion.

      • Depending on who I ask or what I read, the verdict varies. …Idk. :/ I hope someday I can. I was so young and made so many mistakes. Inside me I can hear “I’ll get it right this time, I promise!”

        My head knows it is up to the Lord if/when romance happens in my life again, that I must “be still and wait”, and trust. Instead of searching for happiness and fulfillment in another human being, I have to learn to consistently pursue a relationship with the Lord. He has rescued me from so much, and continues to rescue and bless me every day. I am so thankful. Every time I think I’m doing good, a man captures my attention, and I am very ashamed to admit that all I think about is that person from the minute I wake up until I go to sleep – they become my happy place, instead of Jesus. So I have a vague idea of some the details of the work that He is doing in me with this. I read the Bible and tell myself over and over that He is present, that He cares, listens, accepts, and loves me. And yet I still feel so lonely. I still ache to be touched. If you ask me, yes of course I want a deep eternal relationship with my Savior. But when I’m truly honest with myself, my actions speak louder than my words.

        I struggle with this every day.

    • Sodaospeak,
      I get ya…completely. My view is that God made us to need people. He made Eve for Adam. It was Adam and God, but God still made Adam Eve and after He did, “it was very good.” Even Adam needed an Eve.

      God made us to be in relationship, so our hearts ache for it, we long for community, we desire a helper and to be loved by another human being.
      I was made to feel lonely if I’m alone, to actually NEED people…otherwise no babies would come along and narcissism would rule the day. (Oh, wait, that sounds like today!)

      Don’t beat yourself up or downgrade your relationship with the Lord…I LOVE the Lord, and I have experienced His grace and immeasurable mercy and companionship since my divorce, but I still desire to have a husband…a human husband, well, because, I believe, God made me to want that.
      Does my life revolve around finding Mr. Tall, dark and handsome? No, but I long for it, pray for it, and hope for it (just about) everyday.
      But until that day comes along, I shall live my life, go on adventures, challenge myself, and enjoy my extra amount of intimate time with the Lord, because, even after Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome arrives, I still want to be me and be able to navigate the new challenges that relationship will bring.
      Stay hopeful!!

      • Totally agreed Shellybell.

        He made us to be connected with someone else – just as He connects with His bride. God is always in relationships. Just think about His own plurality, and all the creatures around His throne!

        And I think that desire is even more intense for a woman because of how emotional you guys are. I feel it too,.

        BTW I write a blog for Christian Men

        http://christianmen.wordpress.com

        God bless you guys,
        Mark.

      • Shellybell, this touched me deeply, and has given me much to pray about. Thank you. :’)

  20. Just found your blog. Interesting reading, Thanks for the insight.

  21. Ann T

    I really enjoyed all the diversity and wisdom found in the poll responses. The last post in particular which speaks about dating/marriage as a resemblance of the body of Christ. In addition, I believe it’s important to keep in mind that just as Christ has called us – His body, to live a life of purpose – so has He called us – women, to be “helpers” in our relationships. That is, to “help” our partners as the head, to fulfill the purpose in which they were created. Great blog, thank you for sharing.

  22. Bailey Morrison

    sooo good! exactly what i needed to hear right now, thanks for giving such a wise insight on dating, i know i have and am currently struggling with this myself, thanks for the helpful advice! :)

  23. paulahn

    I’m not sure this is right, but it coud be help anyone who need know what is right about the marital status. You read book name of obedient life. It is written by Oretha Hagin.

  24. great posts, great reply. i am overwhelmed by you guys and girls. i have re-posted some already on my family support facebook page for my few followers to learn from. you all are just a blessing to me tonight. God bless you all richly. and Andrea? I don’t know what to say to you other than, “God bless you richly”

  25. denalyn

    I wish I’d had the wisdom you girls and guys have when I was your age. The Lord is gracious and covered my many mistakes with His blood and then brought into my life a precious husband. Andrea’s dad:):)
    Proud of you sweetie and I learn so much from you. Can’t wait to see you next week.

  26. Christian marriage should be the most perfect state of grace. Christianity is a religion based on love so it is only to be expected that it nourishes the love between a christian man and woman.

  27. What a lovely topic. That still to this day continues to confound most Christians. Funny that. Maybe it is a lack of understanding concerning the relationship between the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit and the Bride. And the eternal marriage process that they all play a very specific part in. I have written about this eternal process briefly in a 3 part post entitled The Great Pursuit. http://icallyoufriend.com/2011/03/09/5-%E2%80%93-the-genesis-of-life-rev191-10-the-great-pursuit/

    With regards to the woman’s role I believe that more than just to wait, she actually needs to surrender to her Father. As seen in the old Hebrew times, and in other cultures, it is the Father that gives the daughter to a worthy man. It is generally not her decision to make primarily. Even though he may ask her opinion (as in the case of Rebekah). She is submitted to her Fathers wisdom in the matter. She trusts His discretion implicitly and believes that He loves her and will make the best choice for her. This does not imply that she must just accept the one that He chooses, but rather that he is the one in charge of the process. The manager. The one facilitating the process. This is His role, as much as it is her role to submit to his guidance and wisdom in the matter. God has made it this way for a reason. It is not to control her, but rather to protect her during a vulnerable time when she could make the wrong decision because of all the emotions involved and her lack of life experience.

    Hence, I believe that the main thing a woman needs to do is not so much find the right man, but actually give this entire area over to her heavenly Father. The problem is, that most woman do not trust their Heavenly Father with this area. They trust Him with most others, but this one they hold onto, because they are afraid that they will end up with no-one and be lonely for the rest of their lives. Hence, they try to figure this all out and travel this maze of relational life in their own strength. (Maybe in relationship with God, but not completely surrendered to Him). They do not believe that His love for them will actually be enough. And this so sad. Because our Heavenly Father wants nothing more that to facilitate this process for his beautiful girls and see it through to success: Marriage to a worthy and honourable man that has proven his love and value.

    Once a woman has completely surrendered this area (given her whole heart to her Father to protect and steward for her), only then can she properly focus on what she needs to do: Wait and respond to the pursuits of the man that her Father has deemed worthy of her hand in marriage.

    • Rocking Dylan!!

      “As seen in the old Hebrew times, and in other cultures, it is the Father that gives the daughter to a worthy man. … He loves her and will make the best choice for her. This does not imply that she must just accept the one that He chooses, but rather that he is the one in charge of the process. The manager. The one facilitating the process. This is His role, as much as it is her role to submit to his guidance and wisdom in the matter. God has made it this way for a reason. It is not to control her, but rather to protect her during a vulnerable time “

    • Wow, this cut to the core of it, very illuminating.

    • Nate

      As a man, isn’t it quite convenient that women are encouraged to “submit to our authority”, as one post asserts? And that the father gets to “manage” his daughter’s choice in marriage – all quite convineient for us. My problems with this post is that it is riddled with grand assumptions that no one questions, I assume because you’re an articulate individual. For an example – the idea of a father “giving” his daughter’s hand is based upon a woman being too confused to make the choice for herself, but we spend no time discussing this supposed confusion and vulnerability. How is she too “vulnerable” to be left free to make one of the most important decisons of her life for herself? And if this is true, why doesn’t a father hand off his son’s hand? How is he not subject to the same “vulnerability?” Another example is that we simply accept that the father hands off his daughter – but why can the mother not have this decison? There is no reason why the mother cannot make this choice, except that we allow it to be so.

      This is an antequated model born in times when women were viewed as property and men had exclusive access to education. These descrepencies were written into the bible (much as slavery was written into the constitution), and here we are. Hundreds of years later, we’re left having these silly discussions trying our best to rationalize a system based on beliefs we know not to be true now. Women are not our property – they are not intellectually inferior, and they are not subject to imposition via our misconceptions. I thank the good lord we reside in a country where we can speak out against such injustices.

      • Nate

        Thanks for your reply. I think I understand what you are saying. The general post-modern trend is that women are independent individuals that are just as strong as men. They can run companies, run for president, and even, pursue a man’s hand in marriage. I can understand why this is a growing trend of thought, and for the most part, I am not against all of it. However, if I look at the biblical narrative (not so much the stories in their historical contexts, even though that is very important), I see a different trend.

        Adam desires a mate, and God molds (not creates) Eve from His own flesh. Hence, she came out of Adam. She was bone of His bone and flesh of his flesh. Part of him. His Heavenly father “managed” it and provided for him. A picture of how the Church is the Lord’s Bride and came out of His side. Bone of his bone, and flesh of His flesh.

        Then we see how Abraham sends his servant to find a wife for his son. A picture of how the Heavenly Father sent His Servant, the Holy Spirit to find a wife for His son. Upon which His son goes down to Earth to court her and pay the bride price for her to be his.

        Then, we see how Jacob has to work very hard to win the woman he loves from her father Laban. Another picture of how Christ worked hard to win his Bride, the Church.

        We see many other pictures of this divine and eternal romance between Christ and His Bride. Ruth, Tamar, Bathsheba, the shulamite woman in the Song of Songs, and so on. All pictures of the passionate love story between God and man. A story that has been burnt into the DNA of life and marriage. A story designed to be told by every courtship and marriage between a man and a woman. One that I am afraid has been lost in this age of post-modernism. One that has been corrupted by things like same-sex marriages, woman courting men, and so on.

        Ultimately, Christian courtship and marriage should emulate the divine romance for the world. Each should be a beautiful picture for the world to better understand and see the relationship between Christ, His Father, the Fathers household (the kingdom of Heaven and the Holy Spirit) and us, his Bride. This is a great privilege and and honour. One that we should seek to understand and live out as followers of Christ and vessels for His glory.

        Please check out these few consecutive blog posts to better understand this eternal love story that we have majestically been swept up into: http://icallyoufriend.com/2011/03/09/5-%E2%80%93-the-genesis-of-life-rev191-10-the-great-pursuit/

        Be blessed my brother

        Dylan

      • DUDE!!!! Yes!!!

        This world began with a marriage – Adam and Eve – and ends with a marriage – Jesus Christ and His bride – and in between… like almost all of our romantic stories… the beloved woman is captured by an evil enemy and locked in a tower and her hubby to be secures her release.

  28. wow! I love hearing the different responses! Thanks for the post!

  29. Amy

    I find your viewpoint incredibly sexist. How can you honestly say that it is our job as women to be pursued? Doesn’t that leave us, as a gender, patiently waiting in the wings for someone to rescue us? Contributes a lot to our gender stereotype, don’t you think? If women were more willing to be themselves rather than fit a stereotype that is outdated and frankly, insulting, we’d find ourselves a lot happier. I am not waiting on a man to rescue me–I’ve got much more to live for than that. We were not made to be damsels in distress. What a bland life that would be!

    Grow up girls and be who you want to be for yourself. Happiness will follow with a man or not!

  30. Robin Livingston

    This is interesting and right on topic!

  31. Here is a similar article I wrote on my website entitled, “Should Christian Women Show Interest?” that discusses this topic. I love reading stuff like this. Here is my article:

    http://cjgroove.com/should-christian-women-show-interest-2/

  32. Leon

    I love the above mentioned comments … that is biblical, sound and true … but the real question is not so much in the known areas but the vague ones. I see that there is clear boarders on holiness etc but it seems like women is confused by holywood regarding the pursuit stage … this is the most critical stage because it is here where women actually allow and decides on men most of the time. In general christian women wants to be approached and b pursuit by men the way holywood and the romantisice, flirt, playing hard to get etc are showing how to do but are different from a biblical “way”. Women gets pursued by “worldly manner” but wants the “godly product” … therefore they are open to be caught by “worldly man” and later find out along the line her husband is acctually not even really man of God but said and did the right things. It not so much a dicernment problem, but a percetion problem about the difference between godly and worldly approach and persuit, well as they then say … the rest is history.

  33. Pingback: Pursuit | kaleidoscope heart

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